THE NEW JOB-LINGO
“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”: We have no time to train you.
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED”: You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
“DUTIES WILL VARY”: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”: We have no quality control.
SOME MORE INTELLECT
The first thing to know about a survival situation. Is not get into a survival situation.
——– D. Guthrie
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.
——– Jackie Gleason
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
——– Carol Leifer
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
——– Rita Rudner
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
——– Fred Allen
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
——- Johnny Carson
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.
——- George Carlin
Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt; donate it to the salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger and next morning you can buy it back for seventy-five cents.
——- William Coronel
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
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